Cold Dawn
by LizAna
Summary: A Bellarke one-shot set after 2x08 - Clarke returns to camp Jaha and Bellamy tries to comfort her. Not much action, but lots of angst.


Bellamy locked his gaze on the small figure of Clarke, standing down in the grounder camp, the night still unnaturally quiet apart from Raven's sobs. After Lexa had announced "it is done," a spike of anxiety had stabbed him, sure the grounders would riot and take Clarke instead. But in the long moments since, no one had moved or said a word, the grounders all staring at the princess in tense silence.

At last, Clarke moved, stiffly turning toward the track she'd walked down after he'd let her out of the camp's gates. Above him, he heard Abby gasp, as though she'd been holding her breath. His chest tight, Bellamy released a quick exhale, pulling Raven up as he climbed to his feet. Murphy was nearby, and he nodded the guy over, before handing Raven off. She was still hiccupping, and didn't seem to notice the change in arms around her. Maybe she'd be pissed about that later, that he'd shoved her off onto a guy she hated, but right now, he couldn't care about anything but making sure Clarke was all right.

He hurried along the perimeter fence, keeping an eye on her as she slowly, but surely walked up the hill, grounders parting to let her pass, almost as if they respected her. Hell, who knew, maybe in their twisted culture, she'd just proven herself the ultimate warrior or some bullshit. Finn had shown that everyone had their breaking point, and he was terrified that Clarke had just reached hers. He reached the gate before she did, and yanked it open, panting from the short trek, though his short breath probably had more to do with the clash of emotions surging through him.

Finally, Clarke reached the gate, and by now, Abby and Marcus had joined him. Clarke didn't look at any of them as she stepped through, and when Abby tried to reach for her, she shrugged away from her mother's outstretched hand.

Abby started to go after her, but Marcus grabbed her shoulder. "Let her go, Abby. She'll come to you when she needs you."

Bellamy glanced at the adults, their expressions a little dazed, as though maybe they couldn't believe Clarke had actually killed one of their own with hardly a flinch. Yeah, they were learning the same hard and fast lesson the 100 had struggled with the first few weeks on the ground. But maybe the adults were finding it harder to adjust, were more set in their ways and couldn't see that the rules of survival on the ground were totally different to those they'd played by in the sky on the ark.

And to hell with letting Clarke go. She had been there in his darkest moment, when he'd been on the edge of breaking and unable to get past the things he'd done. She'd been there and while he'd never admitted it, she'd saved him that night. So he wasn't about to stand around giving her space or whatever when there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that she was now facing some of the same demons he'd struggled with.

He slipped through the few people standing around and trailed after Clarke, still walking at the same pace, as though she'd gone onto automatic pilot. She walked through the deserted outdoor eating area, right around to the far side of the crashed shuttle. It wasn't until she came to the opposite perimeter fence that she finally stopped. In the distance beyond the trees and mountains, dawn was starting to lighten the sky to a faint, dreary gray.

Bellamy walked up behind her and then rounded in a wide arc, keeping well out of swinging range. He knew Clarke would never hurt him on purpose, but he didn't know where her head was at right now and didn't want to startle her.

As he came around to face her, he found her staring down at her right hand, still clenching the blade Raven had given her, blood glistening dark red in the dull light.

"Clarke?"

She didn't glance up, but somehow, he knew she'd heard him. However, for a long moment, she didn't move. She was so still, it was like she wasn't even breathing.

"I betrayed him." Her words were low and uneven, and so quiet, he almost hadn't heard them. "He's gone, because _I killed him_."

Bellamy stepped forward, closing a hand around her wrist and then tugging the bloody knife out of her hand, his heart pounding a jagged rhythm against the inside of his chest.

"You didn't betray him, Clarke, you saved him. You heard what Lincoln said, the things they would have done to him. There wasn't a choice. You did the right thing-the only thing we could have done."

"I betrayed him," she repeated, beginning to shake, as though she hadn't heard a word he'd said. _Shock_. She must be going into shock. He glanced around and then towed her over to a nearby barrel of rain water. He dropped the blade to the dirt at their feet and plunged their joined hands into the icy water.

"Listen to me," his own voice wasn't exactly steady as his rubbed his fingers over hers, washing away the blood. _Finn's blood_. "You didn't have a choice, you got that, princess? You saved Finn the indignity of being tortured to death for entertainment in the name of justice. Not many people could have done that. Hell, I don't think I could have done that. You didn't betray him, but you did prove how much you cared about him."

His fingers were going numb in the near-freezing water, but he had to get every last speck of blood off her hands, he didn't know why, only that the need possessed him to near desperation.

"I told him I loved him." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, devoid of emotion. For some reason, those words ripped through the middle of his chest, and he paused to look up at her. She had her gaze locked on him, eyes hauntingly blue as she stared expectantly at him, as though she needed absolution from him.

He dropped his gaze to focus on the ripples in the water, reflecting the torch light above them in peaks and flashes. "I'm sure it helped, for him to hear that."

Clarke grabbed his hands, still in the icy water. "Don't you get it, Bellamy? I betrayed him in the worst way possible. I lied to him, one second before I stabbed him. I wanted to forgive him. More than anything, I wanted that. But he killed eighteen innocents, and no matter what I did, I couldn't ever look at him the same way. But I still told him want I knew he wanted to hear. I did care about him, just not in the way he wanted. And I let him die believing a lie. I have his blood on my hands, and no matter how much you try to clean that, its not coming off."

Her voice was so absolute, so calm and resigned; it sent chills down his spine. But she was right, and he knew first hand, some stains never washed away, only became deeper and darker as time went on.

"You told me once that I wasn't a monster, that I did what I had to, to protect my sister, and that's who I am." He pulled their hands from the water and stepped nearer to her, closing his fingers over her shoulders. "Now I'm going to tell you the same thing. Don't let this one act define who you are, Clarke. And remember, you did what you had to, in order to protect someone you cared about."

Her almost-vacant expression finally changed, as though his words had shocked her.

"Bellamy—"

Whatever she'd been going to say got lost as she leaned forward, or maybe he pulled her closer. Either way, somehow she was in his arms and he was holding her tightly against his chest, as if that alone could keep her together, keep them both together. For all the reassurance he'd given Clarke, he could use some himself right about then, because he'd never seen anything as frighteningly brave as what Clarke had done tonight. And he hadn't been lying when he'd told her he probably couldn't have done the same. The princess had proven over and over again that she had a core of pure steel, and was even willing to sacrifice the purity of her own soul for those she cared about.

They'd all started down a dark path to end up here, but Clarke had seemingly taken a step further into the shadows. He hadn't realized how bad things were with Finn until it'd been too late. He wouldn't make the same mistake with Clarke. No matter what it took, he'd protect her, even if it meant protecting her from herself.


End file.
